That Just Makes Me A Dumb Human Like You
by foraworldundeserving
Summary: 'The problem about stupid mistakes was that people never quite realized how stupid they were until it was too late.' Because it all comes to the surface in the end and the only thing you can control is how. Second in the 'Trevor' verse. TRIGGER WARNING.


**Second in the _Trevor _series and the sequel of sorts to _But Believe Me, I'm Not Helpless. _Both titles come from the same song that you should disown yourself as a Darren Criss fan if you don't know the title of already ****(I kid. They're from _Human_).**

**And in true New Directions style, everything comes to the surface at some point.**

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><p>The problem about stupid mistakes was that people never quite realized how stupid they were until it was too late.<p>

New Directions, for all their flaws, loved each other like mad. And sure, maybe they screwed up at times and made people feel unwanted or unwelcome but they never _meant _it. Maybe some of the girls got jealous of each other (maybe sometimes the boys did the same) and maybe everybody was ready for Rachel to step down from her self-appointed position of leadership, but nobody wanted anybody gone. They were a family and really did love one another.

But just like any family, everybody had their secrets. And sometimes that was what combusted them more than anything else - not just the keeping of the secrets but the revealing of them. From Quinn's pregnancy to Sam's financial situation, they had never dealt with not having full knowledge of things and if an inkling of a kept secret came to the surface, somebody always ended up revealing it.

And sometimes the keeper of the secret was the one who did it.

It was just another ordinary meeting; so naturally Rachel was making her opinion heard on what they should sing at Regionals and everybody else was waiting for her to shut up so they could give their own opinions that didn't involve a Rachel solo and a Finchel duet. Tina and Mike were laughing together, Kurt and Blaine were talking quietly down the front of the room, heads close together, Quinn was whispering something to Mercedes who was sitting slightly closer to Sam than usual.

Just a normal day.

"Finally!" Santana called out when Rachel ran out of steam. "Now can we talk about the number that the Troubletones get to sing already?"

"Before we do that," Mr. Schuester said quickly, "you should probably know what this years theme is. You'll remember last year we sang anthems -" he held his hand up to forestall the groans " - which led to our rendition of Loser Like Me, which _won _us the competition. So if we put as much effort into this years theme we might just be able to crank out a number that will take on the Warblers."

"Or maybe prep boy could just tell us what his little friends are up to."

Blaine shrugged, not looking apologetic in the slightest. "Well if I did that, I'd have to go back and tell them what you're performing. _Quid __pro __quo_, you know." Kurt stifled a laugh and Blaine elbowed him gently, both smiling.

Mr. Schue cleared his throat to get their attention again. "Nobody's going to be cheating their way to a victory. We're going to do what we did last year - put all of our effort in to get a brilliant song that perfectly encompasses this year's theme; hardships."

There was a long silence. "Well that's a morbid theme," Puck finally said. "I mean, sure, we all go through them but how are we meant to sing an awesome song about being _sad_?"

"Finn seemed to do that well enough with _Girls __Just __Wanna __Have __Fun_," Mercedes remarked. "So we should just get a really cheerful song and make it sound like we're all depressed. That'll do it."

"What was the inspiration for that anyway?" Tina asked. "I mean, yeah, it was for Santana but why that song in particular and why so… sad?"

Finn looked a little edgy. "I was thinking about that kid who killed himself," he said finally. "And the whole _It __Gets __Better _thing and sometimes it doesn't and I just -"

"That's a brilliant idea!" Rachel chimed in and Finn looked relieved. "Why don't we focus on suicide prevention songs? I'm sure there are people in that audience and in other show choirs that would need to hear it, especially when we beat them."

Santana actually snorted. "God, that's so _depressing_? Who would want to sing about suicide - nobody even wants to talk about it except those people who make the videos or the ones who call the hotlines all the time."

"I never understood those hotlines," Puck commented idly. "I mean, if you want to off yourself, why would you call? If you're calling, you're not going to do it."

The room broke into chatter immediately, different comments coming from different people. There were only a few who didn't voice an opinion and nobody paid much attention to them until Mr. Schue called them all back to attention. "Guys, we aren't here to discuss our opinions on suicide; in fact, I don't think it's the best idea for -"

He froze. In fact, everybody did, their eyes fixed on Blaine. Because Blaine had just _sworn_ and nobody had any idea what was going on because as far as they knew Blaine was the prep school boy who never put a toe out of line and was _never _uncouth enough to think of swearing audibly.

But when Blaine scrambled out of his chair to drop to his knees in front of Kurt… no, they were still mystified.

"Kurt, come on," Blaine was saying, his voice soothing but laced with an edge of panic, "come on, I need you to breathe. Just like last time, remember? It's okay, it's all going to be okay, I'm right here, I promise." He rubbed Kurt's hands gently, only wincing slightly when Kurt grabbed them and held on tight. "That's it, just breathe, everything's going to be fine."

Apart from Blaine's soothing murmuring and Kurt's gasps for breath, the room was silent. Nobody moved, nobody managed to look away as Blaine gently coaxed Kurt down until his breathing was finally steady, save for the hitches as he began to cry. Blaine pulled him close, allowing Kurt to bury his face in his neck and rubbed his back. His own eyes were shut tight, his expression inscrutable.

Kurt finally murmured something and Blaine nodded, opening his eyes to look at the others. "Kurt was hoping you'd all leave the room for a few minutes, just to give us a moment?"

Still in silence, Finn was the first to stand and gesture to the others. They filed out, Mr. Schuester hovering behind, clearly not sure what to do. "Do you need anything?" he finally offered.

Blaine shook his head. "We'll be out of the room in a minute so you guys can continue with your meeting. I'll be taking Kurt home."

Even though he clearly didn't like it, Mr. Schuester nodded and left, closing the door behind him. And then there was just silence and Kurt crying and nothing to be done but wait it out.

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><p>When the choir room door swung open ten minutes later, the two occupants were clearly stunned by the sight outside. Both had presumed that the rest of the Glee club would have dispersed pretty quickly, taking advantage of the fact that they didn't have to be in class or simply wanting to get out of the situation.<p>

Instead they found every single person waiting outside. Some were sitting on the ground, talking quietly or staring at the ground. Finn was pacing, wringing his hands together with Rachel following his every step and Tina and Brittany were sitting on either side of Quinn, being comforted as they both cried. It was heartbreaking and any plans of getting Kurt out of the school quickly were halted when Kurt saw them. "Guys," he said quietly, immediately drawing everybody's attention. "What are you doing?"

"Kurt, dude, we're so sorry," Puck said straight away, pushing past Finn to get closer to the two boys. "I didn't mean anything by it, you know I don't talk with my brain most of the time and it's just that I don't understand but I don't want you to think that I don't care because I really do. You know I've got your back, even if it means I need to protect you from yourself."

Anything Kurt was going to say was interrupted by three bullets hitting him in tandem. "I never saw it," a tearful Mercedes was choking out. "I know we drifted apart but how did I never see it?"

"We love you, Kurt," Tina added. "Please - we just love you so much."

But it was Brittany who got to the heart of the matter, the way she somehow always managed to do. "Please don't kill yourself, Kurt," she whispered and everybody stilled because there it was, out in the open.

Kurt managed to extricate himself from the girls and took Blaine's hand again. "I'm not going to," he reassured them. "I'm a long way past that now - not as far as I'd like but I'm not in that place anymore and I don't intend on ever going back. It just brought back some very difficult memories."

"When from?" Rachel asked immediately, never one to employ a great deal of tact.

Kurt winced a little. "Mainly pre-Dalton," he admitted. "A lot before the wedding -" Finn folded into himself noticeably at that but stayed silent, " - and when they told me Karofsky was going to be coming back it… it was bad. And then for awhile at Dalton too -"

"I thought Dalton was safe?" Santana asked, a hint of judgement in her voice as she stared down Blaine. "You said you felt safer there."

"I was safe from bullying. I -" Kurt stopped, tilted his head to the ceiling and took a deep breath. "I wasn't safe from myself. Not for a long time. I got out of the situation that was making me so scared and upset but I didn't stop feeling scared and upset for ages, even when there was nothing right there to be scared about. The memories were enough to keep me terrified for months."

"Did you know?" Finn suddenly asked, his voice too loud as he moved towards Blaine. "Did you know he was going to - he was thinking about - did you know about _this_?"

"Finn," Kurt threatened instantly. "Don't you dare -"

"It's okay," Blaine cut in, turning his attention to Kurt for a second to reassure him before looking back at Finn. "I found out just after we started dating, when things were just about better. If I had known earlier when it was still a risk, I would have done something about it."

"I only called a handful more times after Blaine found out," Kurt said quietly, hints of shame in his voice. "And I told him every time." Nobody quite missed the distinction between Blaine finding out instead of Kurt telling him but it was dropped for the time being. After all, they had all _found __out _themselves.

"Did you call the Trevor Project?" Sam asked.

Kurt nodded. "And Puck, I know you didn't mean it but there are people who call those hotlines who are dead serious about going through with it, who would have done it if they hadn't called. Sometimes you just need a reason not to and they give one."

"Kurt," Rachel asked, her voice small, "would you have -?"

There was a long silence - a few people looked like they wanted to tell Rachel off for her question but at the same time they all wanted to know how close they had really come to losing their friend. Beside Kurt, Blaine was gripping his hand tight, his expression carefully controlled.

Kurt swallowed hard. "Not every time. But there were a couple of times that I called that I - I don't think I would have gotten through if I had been alone." A choked sob echoed around the hall and it seemed that Kurt had finally given in to his emotions until Blaine's face crumpled and Kurt pulled him into his arms. "Shh, it's okay. I'm here now and I'm staying. I promised you and I don't break my promises, not to you."

There was a sudden movement and Mr. Schuester stepped forward, looking just as worried as the others. "Kurt, how many times did you call?"

Kurt looked up, still keeping his arms around his boyfriend. "Just under a hundred," he whispered and the gasps of shock reverberated around the hallway.

Nobody was quite sure who moved first but it only took a matter of seconds before everybody was surrounding the two boys in a tight-knit group hug. Most of the girls were crying and nobody could say they were dry eyed, especially when the sobs of the two boys in the middle of it all were audible to everybody. But all they could do was hold each other tight, physically hold themselves together and offer everything they had.

Maybe it was too late to offer it when it counted, but it was never too late to offer love.

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><p><strong>As stated last time, if you are ever feeling unsafe or unsure about yourself, please call a hotline in an area close to you. They are there for a reason and have been proven to help. <strong>


End file.
